To Allie and Little Bit,
I love you, fur babies, but here's just a few thoughts for you two, to help me out over the holidays...Mom's most stressful time of the year...
1. LEAVE THE TREE ALONE. I did spend an entire afternoon putting up the tree, decorating it, trying to get it not look crooked, and buying more ornaments cause I just didn't think there were enough on it, for you two to continually circle it like it's prey. Trust me, it's not. And those glass ornaments on it? Not cat toys, dangling for your entertainment and pleasure, only to be swatted down by your paws to meet its death on the hard wood floors. And while we're discussing the tree...
2. LEAVE THE PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE ALONE. Again, not for your amusement and destruction. I would prefer not to give my family members their gifts with teeth marks in the wrapping paper, exposing the gift beneath.
3. I can go to the bathroom alone. I do not need your assistance. I will be out shortly, you can make it by yourselves during that time. Quit trying to beat down the door when it's shut, stick your paws underneath the door, or cry nonstop outside of the door.
4. When I clean out your litter box and pour new litter in it, do not jump into it and play in it like its a damn sandbox, scattering litter in a 14 foot radius forcing me to sweep it up for the next four days when I will inevitably have to clean out your litter box again, thus, causing a never-ending cycle of litter clean up.
5. Oh, and when I DO clean out your litter box, would you mind waiting more than 27 seconds before taking the stinkiest dump you have ever had in it? What did you get in to that caused THAT to come out of something so tiny?
6. I need my sleep. And if your food bowl is (God forbid) empty at 2:30 in the morning, please do not take that opportunity to walk all over my head and cry at me until I am forced to get out of bed, go upstairs, refill your bowl, you take 3 bites and then pass out on the couch, but then I cannot go back to sleep until an hour before my alarm goes off.
7. The doggy gate for Baxter is up for a reason. It is not your personal jungle gym. You are not a track star practicing your hurdles. Little Bit, I KNOW you can jump over it, so when you do find yourself on the other side of it and would like to be out in the rest of the house with us, do not sit and pitifully cry until we come and pick you up.
8. I know you need your alone time too, but when I go looking for you, calling for you and shaking the food bag to get you to expose your most recent hiding spot, I expect you to come to me. Do not allow me to not find you anywhere, start hyperventilating and even look in the dishwasher and oven for you since I had them both open at some point in the previous hour what if you had gotten in there but really you are just hiding in the back of the closet behind every single possible piece of clothing and when I DO find you, calm down enough to breathe normally, you look at me like, "Uh, could you turn out the light, sheesh."
9. When the FedEx guy rings the doorbell to drop off a package, it's not for you, Allie, I promise.
10. Little Bit, you just had surgery on Monday. Your stitches are still in. Quit running around the house like a wild banshee. I'm half expecting to see your poor tummy exposed due to you ripping the damn stitches out.
I know you both can be good kitties, I've seen it before...just remember, Christmas is coming. And I'm pretty sure Santa is watching you guys too.
Mom and Dad